I feel sick to my stomach. It might be partly from all the drinking we did on Saturday night, but I think it really stems from California. I spent a lot of time Saturday night talking about it with various people, and a lot of the weekend in general just thinking about it. I am so nervous, and confused. I don't even know what I want anymore. I might really have to make a decision. Either way I have to make a choice about where I want to go with my life from here. Maybe I am being a bit dramatic but I can't help it. It just all feels so big!

Trying to use Christmas music as a distraction isn't really working. Nothing is working. Not even my run this morning really took my mind off of it. I don't even think copious amounts of shopping would really take my mind off of it. And all the things I think I want to really do to help me get through this, take a bath and bake. Are not things I can really do in my current situation, which just makes it even worse. I don't feel like there is anywhere I can go right now and just be comfortable and not think about it. Sure part of me wants to run home to my mommy, but I know that wouldn't fix it, and their house is so crowded right now it wouldn't relax me at all. Though I love my sister's dog, I don't love how she smells!

I am 26 years old and I am sleeping with stuffed animals to try and feel better.

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