HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

Sometimes I think there is something seriously wrong with me. My Valentine's Day gift from Mike was supposed to be a carriage ride through Central Park. Which is something I have been saying I wanted to do for months. I have always thought it would be really romantic. More so in cooler weather when you can snuggle under a blanket drinking hot chocolate. So Mike was all ready to take me. And I balked, I said, "No I don't want to." Why would I do that? I am the one who wanted to do it in the first place? Honestly I was a first class bitch about it if you want the honest truth. I was cranky and a pain in the ass most of Saturday, which was in part due to not enjoying the never before seen level of filth his roommates are accustomed to living in, in part due to it being that time of the month, and in large part due to my extreme desire to avoid doing anything truly romantic. I assume this comes from some fear of intimacy. Which wouldn't surprise me. I am willing to be all cute and PDA with Mike to the point of making other people want to barf, but when it comes to doing anything TRULY intimate or romantic (ie talking about the feelings behind our relationship, talking about our future in a real concrete way, etc) I try really hard to find some way out of it. Why? What is wrong with me? Why am I willing to write about it on here, but not really talk to him about it?